Saturday, June 18, 2011

Let's talk about something else for a minute.

I have been working out pretty regularly ... in between work, packing and other trip preparations. I am still only running 2-3 miles at a time on my knee but I usually pair it with the stair master or elliptical machine or something like that. Hopefully that will help my knee heel, which it seems to be doing just fine.

But just for a moment I would like to talk about the trip in another manner. Parts of the trip are stressing me out to the point of no sleep. I had to start taking the herbs 'valerian' just to fall asleep at night. They work great by the way! I've tried working out a little bit extra to work through the stress, but I guess that doesn't work for everything.

The first thing that stresses me is that Josh isn't coming with us. While my every minute will be filled during the three weeks, I will miss him a lot. We have never spent this much time a part (I think 2 weeks was the most). Though we will hopefully have email to stay in touch. So while that stresses me out a little bit, there is one thing that has really been on my mind lately ... Granddad.

This will be the first trip where he isnt there to greet us. I know that last time (6 yrs ago) was less than an ideal situation since he was in a hospital bed, but this time we dont even get that. Any time we have gone to visit, he was the first person we would seek out. There were always big hugs, a cup of tea and cookies. Unfortunately he passed away on our last trip. And two weeks after that we came home, so it was easy to pretend that he was still there and just continue with my daily activities. But at the the time I didnt even consider that I would, at some point, come back.

My granddad and I were very close. I was lucky to have gotten to spend so much time with such a great man. He taught me a lot, especially about faith. When we would stay with him for extented periods of time, he and I were inseperable. But now what ... ?

One thing that scares me a little is that I will, at some point, need to visit the grave site. The question is, will I do it alone or with someone. Well, rather than being afraid of the action, it's actually the emotions it will bring up that I am afraid of. What if I start crying and all those emotions of when he passed away come back?

Anyway, that is just something that has been on my mind a little bit ... to the point that I am dreaming about it regularly. But other than that, I cannot wait for the trip! I can't wait to see everyone :)

Onwards and upwards fellow travellers!

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